I grew up Roman Catholic. I was baptized when I was little, so I didn't even really understand what was happening. Growing up, my mom took my sister and me to Mass every Sunday at 7am. We also attended CCD classes - Confraternity of Christian Doctrine. My dad was mostly absent through all of this and would exercise, rather than attend church. Except on Easter and Christmas. We call him a Creaster. I didn't find out until much later in life that he is an Atheist. Throughout my childhood, I learned a lot about the Bible, faith, and the story of Jesus Christ, but wouldn't say that I really believed or that I had a relationship with Jesus. I was going through the motions to appease my mom.
Growing up our family had our fair share of issues. My childhood wasn't all peaches and cream. Why isn't essential to my story. The what happened is. I was 14. I was depressed. Life ceased to have a meaning for me. I wanted to escape yet I couldn't figure out a way to run away. I couldn't drive a car. I didn't have a passport. My options were limited. I decided that the only viable option for escape was to end my life. I use a razor blade and made 23 lacerations on my wrists, my arms, and my neck. Yes. My neck. I took pills. I did everything I could to end my life that night. I left a note. I prayed. I prayed to God that He would not send me the hell for committing murder. Premeditated murder at that. I felt a sense of peace and warmth even as my hands shook and did their work. I prayed again. And again. To let this be the end. To not send me to hell, but to forgive me for what I have done. I passed out. It was over. Finally.
Then something amazing happened. The next morning, my alarm clock went off. I woke up. I was astonished to find myself alive. I won't go into details here but it is truly a miracle. God saved my life. There is no way I should have lived after what I did.
Being alive, waking up was the scariest moment of my life. I had to face my parents. I wanted to be dead. I confessed everything to them. What I had done. Why. I cried. They cried. There was anger and confusion. I was rushed to a medical hospital. Then I was taken to another hospital where other teenagers lived too. I wasn't allowed to have shoelaces or pens. I could only see daylight through a window. For 30 days. I worked through my issues with my parents. I refused medication because I knew in my heart that my healing could not be done with a pill. I opened up a piece of my heart to God and allowed Him into my life. I started to live my life. For me. Not for anyone else. I no longer cared what my parents thought. I no longer strove for perfection. To please them. I came to grips with the fact that I was imperfect and that it was OK.
I will never forget the day I left the hospital. How blue the sky was. White clouds floating by like big tufts of cotton. The warmth of the sunshine on my face. Birds chirping. A slight breeze. I had no idea why He saved me, but I knew in my heart that He did. I prayed to God that moment in the car. I promised Him that I wouldn't let my life be a waste. That I would follow him wherever He leads. I said that same prayer and thanked Him for the gift of life every morning for a year. I quit keeping track how long I said that prayer after that. I had no idea why He saved me. All I really know it is on that awful night, God had a different plan for me and He turned a tragedy into a miracle. I tried to take control but He reigned supreme. He wanted me alive and because of that, every time I looked at a blue sky, I am reminded that I owe my life to God. This is not my life. Each new day is a gift given to me to fulfill His purpose.
Fast forward to college. I moved 1000 miles away from home and went to college in Colorado. God inserted an amazing Christian woman into my life. She is the love of my life. My friend. My partner. She is my wife, Heather. God put Jeff Clark in my life. God put a LOT of people in my life who were good Christians. Much better people than I. They helped me make decisions for myself and begin my personal journey with Christ. I wasn't sure what to believe but knew that God existed and things started to change.
I fell in love with Heather, the daughter of a pastor, in a big way. My best friend, Jeff Clark, was attending Wheaton college in Illinois where he was expanding his knowledge of the Bible and Christ. Heather introduced me to her friends. Good people who believed. Jeff called me regularly. He sent me "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis. We talked about Jesus and the Bible. I questioned everything. Jeff sent me more books. For a long time Heather worked on my heart and Jeff worked on my mind. Heather bought me my very own Bible. A student NIV bible. She encouraged me to write in it. Growing up Catholic, I thought that must be some sort of sin. It isn't. I will never forget the trip I took back to Chicago during college and made a stop at Wheaton college to spend time with Jeff and meet some of his professors. A revival broke out on campus. For days people were praying and coming to know Jesus Christ in the middle of their auditorium. Sins were confessed. College kids slept there. Miracles happened. It was truly amazing. You can Google it. Wheaton College, 1995. It was one of those moments in life that you place a mental marker in your brain and say to yourself, "don't forget this day." Up to that point, I had no doubt that God existed, yet I still had not fully accepted Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior, but I knew then. I knew Jesus was the answer.
I waited a long time to say the prayer. A LONG time. If I said it, I wanted to be sure I meant it. It was early 1998. I lay in bed and I silently dedicated my life to Jesus Christ. I acknowledged that he was my personal Lord and Savior. I confessed my sins. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for strength. I prayed that I would follow him wherever he led. No matter what. I meant it. I still do. Yeah, it's scary to place your entire future in the hands of God, but really what better option is there? He has a plan for me. I don't always know what it is, but I am willing to go. To serve. To follow. I will do anything he calls me to do. That is what was in my heart on that night and what is still on my heart to date. The hard part for me is that I don't know his plan. Here I am. Waiting. Ready. Willing. In the meantime, I try to be content finding ways to do his work in my day to day life.
I also have been blessed to witness the other miracles in my life.
In 2000, I found out that I had a tumor in my inner ear that had eaten away almost all the bone and much of the nerve tissue. There was some risk than half of my face would be paralyzed for life. Six surgeries and four years later in 2004, that tumor returned. The CAT scan showed it clear as day. Other tests were done. There was no doubt whatsoever the tumor was back. I booked an appointment at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. We pray for healing, for comfort, for his will to be done. Our family prayed. Our friends prayed. About two weeks later, I went in for surgery and the tumor was completely gone. Gone. My doctor, one of the best surgeons in the country, perhaps the world, could only say this to my astonished wife post-op: "I don't know what you believe, but there are some things that only God can explain." He had no idea that we were Christians or that we had been praying for healing.
If you don't believe, just noodle on that for a while.
Tyler our son is truly a miracle baby. You should ask my wife Heather to tell you that story sometime. Holy wow.
In September of 2007 Pastor Steve gave a sermon reminding us that we need to keep coming back to the cross. Later that Sunday night I woke up in the middle of the night. It hit me that I needed to get baptized. This was a step I had never taken for myself. I needed to come back to the cross. My urge to get baptized right then and there was overwhelming. I told Heather the next morning about my experience, about my decision. On September 30, 2007 I was baptized at Discovery Church by my father in-law.
It was a great day.
Since becoming a Christian, I have enjoyed having Him walk by my side. I'm constantly reminded of my failures, of my sin, but also of His goodness. Yes I am a good man. But I am no better and no worse than anyone else who joins us on Sunday morning. There are many days I still fall short, but I recognize it when I do. The real beauty is that every time I fall down, Jesus is there to pick me back up. He is the Redeemer. I know I am imperfect. And I have a strong desire to be the best father, husband, and servant of the Lord that I can be. His purpose gives me purpose. I love Him.
Before I close, it is important that you know a lot has changed over the years. I love my parents both very much. The past is past. Although they are now divorced, they're wonderful grandparents and good people. I am honored to have them in my life. I owe them both a great deal. I also continue to pray that my father would come to know Christ.
That's my story. My life. My heart poured out on these pages for you.
My Passion & Gifts
I believe I have been given a gift for serving others. At any given moment, you may find me serving Discovery in a variety of roles or our children's school, Cornerstone Christian Academy. I also find that doing the little things such as shoveling our neighbor's sidewalk on a snowy day can provide joy. Manual labor with a purpose is nourishing for the soul! If someone need help moving, I am right there. I also have a gift for giving. At times my heart leaps ahead of my mind. Heather and I work together on many of these endeavors. We consistently support my cousin, Patrick and his wife Amy, who are missionaries in China. We give to other missionaries, local charities, our-reach programs and of course, Discovery. We try to put our time and our money where our heart lies and teach our children to do the same. I also have a burning desire, a passion to use my business skills to help other non-profits build sustainable business models. I have done some work with Cornerstone Christian Academy and Healing Waters in this regard. My hope is someday I would be able to work part time and dedicate my remaining time to non-profits that further God's mission here locally and around the world.
My Weaknesses & Strengths
One of my weaknesses is in my not being able to perform exacting recall of Biblical passages. Memorization has never been my thing. The stories resonate with me though, and finding ways to connect them to modern life comes easy for me, but ask me to quote anything other than John 3:16, and I am at a loss. Another weakness is not being able to loudly broadcast my faith with strangers. I will never be one to stand on a street corner with a sign and a Bible, not because I can't do it, but because I don't think it is effective. I think it makes a spectacle out of the Christian faith. I try to share in my own ways like listening to worship music in my office. Most recently, God has answered a prayer by opening up my brother in-law, Joaquin's, heart to listen, see and learn about Christianity and my faith. I pray every day for him and try to share my story in a nonthreatening way. Bit it doesn't always come easy for me.
One of my strengths is a really strong connection to the Holy Spirit - with God. It is hard for me to share with nonbelievers and even some believers until I am close to them, because I don't think they understand. But here's the deal: many times when I sing praise and worship songs, I feel totally overcome with the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it is so overwhelming that it is all I can do not to fall down on my knees and cry. The feeling is so completely overwhelming that it seems like all my emotions - joy, sadness, happiness, pain are all hitting the meter at 100%. The only word I have to describe it is overwhelming. Completely and totally overwhelming. I just want to fall to my knees and let it all out - I hold back. And it's very hard. I can't really explain it yet I know that I am filled with the Spirit and for that I am truly thankful. I wish everyone could have this experience. If they did, they would believe. There is no other choice. For me there is no doubt. I know I will never understand how everything works or why this happens and I'm OK with that. All I can say is a prayer of thanks and offer up my heart, my soul and my life to God.
Theology:
Trinity: the Father, the Son and the Spirit are all one. Three persons. One being. How does this really work? To be totally honest, that's a question I need to save for God himself. And I'm OK with that.
The Bible: It is an historic document and also the inspired word of God. Different books are written by different authors and each have a different purpose. Sewn together this is a resource, a manual, to provide education to Christians about our faith, our history, and how to live a godly life.
Gifts: Everyone is blessed with different spiritual gifts. Together as a church, Discovery becomes a body of Christ - each person having a different strength so that by working together - we may fully serve His needs.
Salvation: Salvation is only possible through Jesus Christ. We are imperfect. We sin. We will never measure up to God's standard. Jesus paid the ultimate price. He was the ultimate sacrifice. He's our Lord and Savior. He died on the cross so that all of our sins may be forgiven. Through Him, the slate is wiped clean. We are pure in the eyes of God and can be united and have eternal life together.
Discipleship: God works within us to create a desire to follow Him. To strive to be more Christ-like. Discipleship is this natural process of learning from Christ, God, the Holy Spirit and other Christians as we seek to become closer to God. This is a natural process for all Christians. We're all on our unique walk, each has a different path, but we share a common goal.
Baptism: Is an outward expression of an inward condition of the heart. It is the public declaration that you are committing your life to Christ and believe that Jesus is the son of God and our one and only Savior. There are numerous examples of baptism in the Bible including that of Jesus being baptized. This is something we are called to do as Christians.
Missions: The lord commanded his disciples to go and share the good word. That is our job. That is what missionaries do. Missionary work is important to grow the Christian faith and to bring others to salvation and to embark on their own personal journey with Christ.
Questions:
1. Define "the church." The church is the body of Christ on earth. It is singularly unique. It is made of people, of a community of people who seek to accomplish the work of Jesus. Every member is a part of the church that has an important function. Like parts of the body. The hand, the foot, the mouth. No one part is more important than the other. Who was to say the little toe was not as important as the eye? All the members become one body.
2. Where is the line between sacred and secular? Sacred is holy. Secular is apart from religion. I will quote the bible here because I think Jesus made it pretty clear in Mark 12: 17 "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." I would add that the real wisdom is in knowing the difference.
3. What are some compelling books that you have read in the past year? Why did they intrigue you?
a. White Blindness by Jose Seramango. This was impactful because it showed how quickly the human condition, heart, and ethics can evaporate under extreme duress. I think it proves that people can be good but that it may not come naturally. In that respect it was a bit saddening. You wish more for people. It also made me wonder how would Christians act in that situation? Would they others? Would they lose their faith? Ultimately, humans are different from animals and we do have the ability to choose.
b. The Road by Cormack McCarthy. I was completely inspired by this man's love for his son. The extraordinary lengths he would go through in the bleakest conditions to put his son first. To provide. To protect and ultimately to give everything.
c. Boomsday by Christopher Buckley. Okay so now you're probably wondering what I read, but this one is one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. The satire was on a whole other level!
d. The God Illusion by Richard Dawkins. To be totally honest it made me think. But is also made me realize how weak most Atheist arguments are. While it is easy to poke holes in faith, it is equally easy to poke holes in Atheism.
e. The next 50 years by John Brockman. I found this book very interesting from an intellectual point of view about what may be possible in our lifetime from a scientific standpoint.
Practical aspects:
1. Availability. I travel for work. Typically every other week for a couple of days. While that shouldn't interfere, it is a fact of life that my job is somewhat demanding. To a large degree, I can schedule around leadership meetings, but I'm sure there may be a time that I will need to prioritize my day job.
2. Willingness. I'm all in. I feel like I've been praying to God about a lot of things and this is one way to force me to "step up." I'm ready and I am willing.
3. Decision making. Well, I've served as VP in 3 different roles and 2 different companies and am currently the General Manager of the division that is set to dwarf our current business. So from a professional standpoint, I have a proven ability to make good strategic decisions for both the companies I work for and for our clients.
4. Leadership style. I want to encourage, equip, and to train others so that I am not really needed. I am honest. I also tend to be very direct. This can be good and at times can also be challenging because others may not be able to take direct feedback. I'm very conscious about the fact that I need to be sensitive to other personality styles. I will stand up for what I think is right. I strive to treat others with respect at all times.
5. Contributions I can make. Serving. Giving. Passion. Energy. Big ideas. Business skills. Running an organization. Marketing experience.
Titus & Timothy:
These passages clearly describe the requirements for being a church elder. I've no doubt in my mind that while I am completely imperfect, and continually strive to improve (i.e. having well behaved children who respect him) there's nothing written here that would prohibit me from serving on our leadership team. What would change? I take this role very seriously and I am acutely aware that if offered, and if accepted, I need to work even harder to step up and work even harder to set a good example 100% of the time. I would no longer be representing just myself with my actions, but also Discovery. I don't take that responsibility lightly.
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